How to find Long Lasting Love

The Joys of a Relationship

Finding your soulmate can be a source of lasting pleasure. It should not come as a deterrent to people if they have had unsuccessful relationships or if they have not found ‘the one’ yet. It should not put people off online or traditional methods of dating though clichéd it may sound, true love is just around the corner.

Common love myths busted

A person can only be satisfied in a relationship if they are happy with him or herself. While there are many advantages to being single, it can get lonely at times. It is not a crime to want to be with someone else. But there are certain myths about relationships which are detrimental to self-esteem. For example, it is not better to have a bad relationship than no relationship at all; women and men have the same emotional needs though these are expressed differently. It is worth pursuing a relationship even if you don’t feel a searing attraction towards someone else at the very first glance. These myths have made love and romance inaccessible to a lot of people. We think that true love is next to impossible to find. That, of course, is not the case.

Unrealistic Expectations

There are some faults which can be attributed to us as well. When we enter a relationship we often have very unrealistic expectations from people and relationships. We, who are brought up on movies and romance novels, paint an unrealistic picture of the person we wish to fall in love with. People, however, are not products of fantasy. They have their flaws and quirks as well as redeeming features so entering into a relationship with preconceived notions is a big no-no.

How to go about dating

There are many tips which we can follow while dating someone. Some of them are as follows:

• Don’t focus too much on the relationship. Making it the centre of your life can really make you lose perspective on the other important things in your life. It is particularly hard to recover after a breakup if you have neglected things that you like doing, your friends, and your family and have just concentrated on your partner and the relationship while dating.
• Don’t look for flaws in the person you are dating. Don’t forget your own either. Every person has flaws and first impressions hardly matter very much in the long run. Get to know a person before you actually decide whether you want to take the relationship to the next level.
• Learning to gracefully accept defeat in the relationship is also an important learning experience. You should know when to say no, and stop investing in a relationship which is not working and which is stripping you of everything that you value. Just like there are tips for dating, there are also a couple of reminders about when to stop dating. Unfortunately, most of us are so blinded by our own insecurities that we ignore these signs.

How to end the relationship

As mentioned above, we also need to learn when to red-flag a relationship. Whenever a relationship is alcohol dependent, or there is a total breakdown of communication, the relationship needs to be called off. This is something we need to keep in mind. Uncalled for jealousy, abusive tendencies, overtly sexualized relationships and controlling behavior are some of the signals which we need to watch out for.

This points to a creeping rot in the relationship and continuing with such a destructive relationship is both unhealthy and detrimental to self-esteem. The consequences of such an unhealthy relationship are even harsher than the ending of a normal relationship.

Learn to Love Yourself

As mentioned in this article, learning to love yourself is also a consequence of a good and healthy relationship. If you have been rejected after a couple of dates, it is probably because of really superficial reasons. Do not be harsh on yourself since everyone has different needs from a relationship. Not dwelling on a rejection but learning to move on with good grace is the key point which will help in acknowledging and therefore processing the feelings of rejection. Hurt, anger, grief, nostalgia and self-pity often accompany a rejection. It is absolutely normal to feel this way and only accepting these feelings can help you process them better.

Nurturing the Relationship

Learning how to invest in the relationship is the key to having a successful endeavour. Giving enough time to your partner, learning how to communicate without hesitation, taking time out to develop common interests, fighting when the need arises but fighting fair are some of the ways in which the relationship can be given some breathing space. An old adage goes that you should not sleep on a fight. It is very true, as fights must be fought fairly and resolved as soon as possible.

The only thing which you need to consider while dating is whether it feels right to you. It does not matter what our parents, friends and family members think. At the end of the day, the onus of the relationship is ours, and the way to choose the right person is to differentiate between what we need in a relationship and what we want. While wants can be compromised on, needs cannot, and how we negotiate this tricky area will determine the outcome of the relationship.